November 2009

I have been hesitant about recapping November of last year. It was just a flat out difficult month. November is why I quit blogging. I couldn't think of anything nice to say, and my Great Grandma Peggy would have reminded me to just say nothing at all. It's raw. It's not pretty. It just is. And I am so happy I can look back on God's mercy to love me during such a rough patch. With that in mind, here goes.

When you have a new baby you think of all of those special baby moments but you don't ever stop to consider what happens when your journey as a parent takes an unexpected twist. I was thrown for quite a few loops in November.

At Luke's 2 month visit it was apparent that he, like his brother had had when he was a baby, had torticollis. When treated early, outcomes are generally good, and so I was prepared to take Luke to a physical therapist. I also had a list of things the pediatrician and I began working through....sort of a "baby punch list." Things like cradle cap, feeding issues, unexplained fussiness at feedings, the torticollis, etc.

I took Luke to a physical therapist who showed us a few exercises via some handouts. I was unimpressed to say the least. I cancelled my next appointment.

A few weeks later as we were driving to Kohls, I decided that something was just wrong with Luke and I called the office for a sick visit. I thought he must have silent reflux, but I was just told the screaming at feedings was just a nursing problem that required an Occupational Therapist's assistance.

The Big Visit

Did you know there is an occupational therapist here that specializes in breastfeeding issues? No? Me either?! This visit was to be the beginning of a long road of visiting many specialists. Our 2 hour visit began with her concern over his torticollis, first and foremost, and her concern caused me some concern. Then we determined that I had only a few choices to get Luke to nurse if that was what we wanted to do. And with family coming to town in the coming days for Thanksgiving, neither was an option. My days of holding a child screaming bloody murder at my body to forcefeed were absolutely over. It alienated the other 2 members of my family when the screams began, and it made me want to cry. The torticollis made it too hard for Luke to turn his head to nurse. And he was tongue tied. His poor little tongue was forked like a snake because his frenulum was too tight.

When I met once again with the Occupational Therapist, she watched him try to eat his bottle. He gulped 2 oz. and then cried. It looked like a text book case of reflux and she urged me to see a doctor immediately. I knew my gut instinct was right when he was just a month old!

So November revealed a myriad of health issues that I would spend the following months unravelling. I navigated issues with insurance, as well, proving that I have had to learn WAY more about insurance for neurodevelopmental therapy for children in the state of WA than I would have ever imagined possible. My oldest son's pediatric neurologist once sat us down and explained all of his lobbying efforts to secure this basic level of insurance coverage in our state, and little did I know I would have to follow in his efforts with our own insurance, which is self-funded and doesn't have to follow state mandates. I think people have to take more charge with their insurance companies, and that is exactly what I did. I realize the discussion of insurance is kind of a "yawner" but I worried now that I had a child who needed help and I might have to pay hundreds to seek care each visit.

I felt like a failure in November. I couldn't believe the same feeding issues I had with Colin had resurfaced in some similar, and some not-so-similar, ways with Luke. Living in this part of the country and not nursing a little one can carry its own stigma that is hard to explain. And now I had to delve into the world of therapists and figure out what all to do to get our little boy the help he needed.

During this same month our oldest's tantrums peaked and we faced huge discipline issues. I even called his preschool teacher one morning almost in tears seeking her insights and seeing if she had this same problem in class. There were many mornings I was pleased to put him on the school bus so that I would have a break from the constant battle. Friends promised me that my nice child would return but it might not happen until he was four. I kept praying for four to hurry up and get here!

On a more pleasant note, we enjoyed a lovely visit from Matt's parents for Thanksgiving. We made an excursion to the Santa Train and also enjoyed the parade. Our Thanksgiving Day tradition is for Colin to work on a Gingerbread House as the food cooks all day (this kicks off Christmas season). He keeps asking me now (in July) when we can make a Gingerbread House again as he just loves it!